Aahndre

I haven’t written anything in awhile and as usual I have that never ending itch to just write something but couldn’t figure out what. As always, I let my emotions run the course of what I am going to write. Possibly because this is the only place I can let out what I feel because no one else could possibly understand why I feel this way. Why I am eternally romantic and mushy. Maybe it just stems out of the fact that I really want to feel in love. To be in a relationship without all those insecurities I have. To be sure of myself and really know that I am in it for the long haul. It’s something I had blocked myself off for a couple of years now. I seem to stray away from keeping long term relationships or even being in one. I realize that at times I become too picky, a crush here and there but in the end I realize it is just what it is, a crush. It’s true what people say that I just haven’t found the right one yet. I believe in that. Aside from that, I am very afraid of making a mistake. Too often have I found myself in relationships or even in dates that I seriously don’t want but I just force myself. So for now I wait.

I want to be someone’s exception.

It is the longing feeling that you want to be someone different, someone new and someone perfect for that other person. I want to be the one that is so incomparable to others that even though there are other people out there better, I am her’s. To most people you might just be another guy whom he/she dates but to someone you are it. I want to be it. I want to be the exception to all the other guys out there just because I am me.

My friends and I all have these signals, codes, rules and whatnot’s to define every single relationship each of one has. If some books tell that guys are so complicated and are so hard to read. Guess what? In our world girls are definitely confusing too. Mixed signals here and there, signs that you like the guy etc. It just seems simpler if everyone guys and girls alike would just be more honest about how they feel and not be afraid and not abide by all these rules society has given to us.

It is true what people say, if a guy likes a girl, he will make it happen. If he says that he likes someone, but doesn’t push through then that’s a sign that he isn’t serious or it is just a simple crush. I agree that this is one of the major flaws of men these days. I fall for the trap too. It is having no follow through, or keeping things for granted. A guy will make a big gesture of love which woos the girl into submission and is head-over-heels for the guy but at the moment he gets too comfortable because he knows he has done his part, he fails to follow through. This is a sign of a guy who isn’t too serious yet with what he wants to happen with the girl. Men make a ton of excuses. I agree. After reading the book He’s Not Just That Into you and realizing that I have also made some of those excuses, I know that men who don’t follow through and make excuses are not in it yet for the long haul. I used the word yet because this just means that the guy hasn’t found the right girl. That’s why I said I want to be someone’s exception. I want to fall so in love with someone that I can’t concentrate, I can’t stop thinking of her, I can’t do my job, I can’t breath and basically I cannot live my life without her.

I wanna make her happiness my happiness.

And so this is the feeling I have right now. I have this urge that I want to make her happy. The simple fact that I know that I can and I will is driving me insane because I am not given the chance to do so. It sucks feeling this helpless when you know that you can give the world to the person. Right now I begin to reminisce the moments we’ve had. I guess if she could just realize it she too would know how I am feeling right now. With her I don’t have any excuses, I tell her everything for what it is. I don’t know if I could call this love but I know it is something different.

She is the exception to my rule.

There’s that.

Yeah, I guess I have that.

I had this sudden urge to write while playing World of Warcraft. For the longest time, I’ve been thinking of something to write. Something like my usual mushy posts. Apparently, I haven’t had too much mush in my life recently that I really didn’t know what to write and it has been bugging me for the past few days/weeks. Finally, while I was playing WoW and at the same time talking to a couple of people, it hit me!

Trying too hard.

When is it enough already? When is it time to stop? When does one realize that he/she is trying too hard already? This is what came to my head awhile ago. I believe this was inspired by reading a post of a friend. It’s about trying too hard, trying so much just to please another person. I believe that this is one of the craziest and silliest thing one can do when a person likes someone. It’s the time when you just change your whole being just to please or become a perfect match for someone else. You like everything that the other person likes, you do whatever he/she does, you laugh at everything the other person laughs about and basically you walk the others persons life.

It’s CRAZY!

I understand how some people would change for the better for someone else, but in the end, they’re still themselves. What I mean by what I said is some people who change everything about them and lose their identity in the process. It’s obsession already! It’s that moment where the person can’t function properly because of the person he/she likes. It’s that point where you go to the extreme just to be with the person. It’s bordering on being a stalker. In the end, you end up living in a fake world. You’d come out as plastic, you’d lose yourself.

You like what the other person likes just to make sure that you and your other person have something to talk about. You pretend that you guys have everything in common. You think and dream that you guys are perfect because you guys like the same things. But in the end, you gotta wake up, it’s not going to work out. Why? It’s because you end up just being a copy. The other person will end up tired of you. You’ll be friends yes, but you’ll never be more than that because in your relationship, there’s not growth, there’s no life. You’d just be the follower, and there comes a point when you ask yourself, who am I? You wouldn’t grow because you’re just there waiting for the person to move. It’s stupid. How do you expect something like that to work out?

Find yourself!

Yes, you have to be your own individual and move on from there. You have to be yourself, not someone built on lies. You have to make the other person like YOU. All of you. You can’t just live on the things that he/she likes, there are more things than that, everything in a relationship goes deeper than that. And don’t ever forget that you’re a friend first. So be the FRIEND. Don’t become someone who likes that person and the moment you don’t or it doesn’t work out you disappear. Remember that you are a friend first and friendships also can build lasting relationships. That is why this is one of the flaws of dating, or basically just liking someone. You put your best foot forward. The other person doesn’t see the real you, if there is actually a real you. Just be the friend, if you guys hit it off, then you do right?

You don’t have to try too hard for someone to like you.

The harder you try, the more you don’t see the bigger picture. There is someone out there for you. You don’t have to try too hard just to like someone and change your whole being for that person. You can like everything and have the same things in common with that other person but if you guys just aren’t IT then you guys aren’t. It’s not about liking the same things or doing the same activities, it’s about compatibility and genuine love, care and trust with that other person. The harder you try, you actually separate yourself more from that other person rather than be closer to him/her. Every time you hang out with that person, you check yourself, you watch your movements, you see what makes him/her tick, you try and try, but in the end nothing happens. What happens then? You get pissed, you can’t sleep, you think of the reasons why he/she doesn’t like you because you say to yourself, “Hey I like everything she likes, I am everything like her”, but in reality you are not, and people can see through that. Yes, people can see, who you truly are. It’s not so hard to see if two people can hit if off. It’s not so hard if two people have that chemistry with one another. Sometimes you just have to step back and see the bigger picture. Sometimes you gotta look at it from a different point of view, you gotta see yourself from afar and think if you guys are actually right for each other.

In the end, it’s about just being true to yourself. Who you really are. Don’t ever be ashamed for who you really are. Sometimes you don’t have to try too hard to look for the dream guy/girl for you. You don’t have to wish on a star, you don’t have to pray to God.

Sometimes you just gotta look right in front of you.

And that person might just be looking back.