Aahndre

I haven’t written anything in awhile and as usual I have that never ending itch to just write something but couldn’t figure out what. As always, I let my emotions run the course of what I am going to write. Possibly because this is the only place I can let out what I feel because no one else could possibly understand why I feel this way. Why I am eternally romantic and mushy. Maybe it just stems out of the fact that I really want to feel in love. To be in a relationship without all those insecurities I have. To be sure of myself and really know that I am in it for the long haul. It’s something I had blocked myself off for a couple of years now. I seem to stray away from keeping long term relationships or even being in one. I realize that at times I become too picky, a crush here and there but in the end I realize it is just what it is, a crush. It’s true what people say that I just haven’t found the right one yet. I believe in that. Aside from that, I am very afraid of making a mistake. Too often have I found myself in relationships or even in dates that I seriously don’t want but I just force myself. So for now I wait.

I want to be someone’s exception.

It is the longing feeling that you want to be someone different, someone new and someone perfect for that other person. I want to be the one that is so incomparable to others that even though there are other people out there better, I am her’s. To most people you might just be another guy whom he/she dates but to someone you are it. I want to be it. I want to be the exception to all the other guys out there just because I am me.

My friends and I all have these signals, codes, rules and whatnot’s to define every single relationship each of one has. If some books tell that guys are so complicated and are so hard to read. Guess what? In our world girls are definitely confusing too. Mixed signals here and there, signs that you like the guy etc. It just seems simpler if everyone guys and girls alike would just be more honest about how they feel and not be afraid and not abide by all these rules society has given to us.

It is true what people say, if a guy likes a girl, he will make it happen. If he says that he likes someone, but doesn’t push through then that’s a sign that he isn’t serious or it is just a simple crush. I agree that this is one of the major flaws of men these days. I fall for the trap too. It is having no follow through, or keeping things for granted. A guy will make a big gesture of love which woos the girl into submission and is head-over-heels for the guy but at the moment he gets too comfortable because he knows he has done his part, he fails to follow through. This is a sign of a guy who isn’t too serious yet with what he wants to happen with the girl. Men make a ton of excuses. I agree. After reading the book He’s Not Just That Into you and realizing that I have also made some of those excuses, I know that men who don’t follow through and make excuses are not in it yet for the long haul. I used the word yet because this just means that the guy hasn’t found the right girl. That’s why I said I want to be someone’s exception. I want to fall so in love with someone that I can’t concentrate, I can’t stop thinking of her, I can’t do my job, I can’t breath and basically I cannot live my life without her.

I wanna make her happiness my happiness.

And so this is the feeling I have right now. I have this urge that I want to make her happy. The simple fact that I know that I can and I will is driving me insane because I am not given the chance to do so. It sucks feeling this helpless when you know that you can give the world to the person. Right now I begin to reminisce the moments we’ve had. I guess if she could just realize it she too would know how I am feeling right now. With her I don’t have any excuses, I tell her everything for what it is. I don’t know if I could call this love but I know it is something different.

She is the exception to my rule.

There’s that.

Yeah, I guess I have that.